hewo baby.

Anyone who knows me knows that I do not like long gaps between postings and I feel like it has been a long gap since I actually posted something with substance. Not that the last post was worthless...it's very important stuff...but I didn't write it so it was kinda informal. Very "AUTISM" activism related and not Maddy related. I'm all for both on this blog but within reason.

Suddenly not only did we become parents, teachers, and now we're activists too. I shudder to think of myself as an activist. If anything, I've always been kind of an anti-activist. Not that I don't stand up for things but I'm not a "throw it in your face" type that the word "activist" implies.

Justin has been doing most of that anyway...writing and calling representatives for our state legislature to mandate that insurance covers Autism treatment. Because our state does not mandate it and thus, our insurance does not pay for it. I've never had a big beef with insurance companies (always thought they were alright to me) until now. Until the day that we get a huge bill in the mail with a little note next to the amount saying the insurance won't cover it because it "does not cover this psychiatric treatment" which to me is a bunch of crap. This same state insurance will pay for people to quit smoking but it won't pay for my baby to have the treatment she needs to rewire her brain to become a functioning member of society. stupid doesn't cover it.

I digress.

We are in Week Two of ABA (or EIBI...whatever, it's the same thing) and so far so good. This week has probably been more chaotic than last week, which I'm sure last week I would have never believed possible. But it has. And we're making adjustments and going with it as much as we can. That's all we can do.

Maddy is doing well with it. She isn't nearly as resistant as I thought she would be. If anything, she's bored. We're doing our best to integrate what she needs to learn with the basics and trying to be as overly exciting as we can possibly be. She loves to sing "I did it! I did it!" when she does a certain task right and that is probably the cutest thing ever. I will post some video on that soon, I hope.

She is doing well and so far our learning curve has been a steady slope upward and not any real dips down or backward...though I know they are coming. They are bound to happen. And I hate to say it, but I fear it. I try not to, but it would be impossible to NOT fear regression. Heck, I feared regression when Eva was potty training...and that is a tiny ant hill in the mountain of teaching a child how to embrace the world around them with ABA integration.

On Monday we had a meeting with Early Intervention and a local foundation that will be providing someone to come help us out 20 hours a month...with Maddy. Basically helping us with her. Taking her to the park or helping me take all of them to the park or what not. Anyway, Melissa was here with her little boy (who is just under 2) and Maddy saw him playing with her toy phone. She walked over to him, leaned over to get close to his face and said "hewo baby!" She attempted eye contact and an overall greeting to a boy that she sees fairly often. So amazing. A few months ago she would not have even noticed him or she would have ripped that phone out of his hands. But instead, she looked like a little adult...crouching over and saying "hewo baby." and waited for his response.

Those things make me smile. Justin took her to OT and Speech on Monday and her OT therapist was the same one who had done her eval back in July. She had not seen Maddy since July so she was shocked when she saw her on Monday. Literally shocked. She could not even believe the changes in her in the 2 short months since she has seen her. Justin was so excited he rushed off to buy me flowers....only Target didn't have anything other than Mums so he bought me two donuts...lol. What a good man, knowing that I would rather celebrate with a donut than a Mum. Though roses would have trumped donuts, anyday. Another time.

Last week she started saying "Where are you?" She would stop what she was doing and look up and say "mama, are you?" and look around. Now she says it with anyone or anything..."Milk, are you?" "baby, are you?" "dada, are you?"

I could cry. Really. Not that it's overly sad that she is missing something but that it's exciting to know that SHE KNOWS she is missing something. Again, a few months ago she didn't have the awareness to think or know that anything was not there to be missed.

It's not to say that it's not frustrating. It does get frustrating at times. I think she's approaching 2 developmentally...in alot of aspects she is past two but some she is not. And it's exhausting. Though we see her improvements...the tantrums are wild and full force. She hits, she bites, she throws herself on the floor and cries, and she still rocks and moans. I feel like I've had a 1 year old forever. I shudder to think back to when the twins were infants...months old and how I couldn't wait until they were 1 and walking. Oh i could wait. Really. And i just want her to be 28 months...whatever that is. She is certainly gaining the vocabulary...she has surpassed Maelle when it comes to talking but her comprehension has not. And oh what I would give to be able to say "give me your hand" and have her willingly give me her tiny little hand and hold it. I have never been able to hold her hand for longer than 5 seconds without her pulling it away or trying to bite me. I know she doesn't feel her hand being held the same as any other child but I hope someday she might. I really just want to walk hand in hand with her.

You just don't realize how important those little things are until they aren't possible to do.

But one thing at a time. As I type she is sitting next to me on the couch, having woken from her nap, she walked into the living room, turned the tv on, and hopped up on the couch and is sitting 1/3 of her tiny little body on mine so she can be next to me while she watches Word Girl. Happy. Content. One of the characters on Word Girl just tipped over something in a cup, Maddy said "Opsie!" and looked at me to see if I saw what had happened. And then giggled.

That is amazing.

She is amazing.