hold my hand.

Today it happened.

I can't believe that I almost went to bed without writing about it. I can't believe I forgot to tell Justin or the WORLD that it happened.

Today. Maddy. Reached. To. Hold. My. Hand.

She said "hold hand" and gently slipped her hand into mine as I stood talking to Ashley about their session. So quiet. So innocent. Like she had always been doing such a thing as that. Not knowing that her Mama had been waiting 2 years and nearly 5 months for her to do it. Hoping. Praying. Maybe someday.

Today was that day. She held my hand for a few short moments before she realized that we weren't ready to leave yet. My stomach did flips and I wanted to swing her around the room and tell her how awesome she truly is....but I held back, fearing that kind of outburst might prevent her from doing it again. It seemed to her, quite a natural thing to do.

Thank God.

Maybe she will never know just how unnatural that had become in such a short amount of time.

Catherine Maurice writes in several of her books about the day when her own daughter had suddenly walked over to Bridget (her ABA therapist), took her by the hand, and led them to their therapy room. With a smile on her face and happy to go.

I read that with a hopeful heart but a shadow of doubt. I didn't know if Maddy would ever do that. Would she ever walk into her therapy room with any one of us by the hand with a smile and an eagerness to learn? Is that asking and hoping for too much? Is that really possible?

It really is.

Starting ABA, we planned for the worst. Typically kids with Autism lash out at any kind of intrusion into their world and ABA is quiet an intrusion. A very physical and emotionally demanding experience on "their world" - and sure, Maddy did protest but not the extent I had prepared myself for and nearing the end of week 5 and calendar wise - a month into this - she hardly ever protests now. School has become fun.

We see so many wonderful things emerging from Maddy now. We have alot of work to do....don't get me wrong...ALOT. But she really is coming out....inch by inch.

Tonight I gave the girls all a glass of water for supper. Just plain water in a plain glass. No sippy cups. And as each of them sipped happily from the glass, I marvelled at such a moment. No sippy cups at the table. Really? Are we really getting there?

You see, having twins and a sibling who is only 2 years older....has been a lifetime. I know we've only been in the world of sippy cups for 4 years now but it sure felt like an eternity. That any small glimpse is welcome. Imagine. No sippy cups. Will I be sad? Will I be happy when I toss the last one out? I'm sure I'll have the usual tinge of sadness coupled by the thrill of independence and mobility.

Why is this so significant? Because there are kids out there with such severe Autism that they won't even drink from a cup, sippy or not. Nor a bottle. They are tube fed because they simply will not eat or drink. And when your child is diagnosed with Autism...you have no idea where that slippery road is leading you to. No clue. And no one can tell you either. The spectrum is just that: a spectrum. 

Are we recovering her? I sure hope so. We're FAR too early to tell. We're seeing alot of progress. Immense progress. May God let it continue. 

For now let me enjoy the memory of Maddy's tiny little hand in mine. Gripping it tight, waiting for us to leave. Walking down the hall. Hand in hand. Like any mother's dream.