the sister with the issues.

Recently I was talking with an acquaintance of mine who just found out she was having baby #2. We were discussing the "dos and the don'ts" of people who visit post baby and how most people, while their intentions are kind, frankly just don't "get it" when it comes to proper post baby visits. I'm sure any mother has had this conversation and while it was more of a vent session than anything personal, it quickly struck a chord with me.

She was discussing certain family members that brought along their sister who has some issues to stay for an extended period of time right after her first child was born. She was trying to figure out how to politely tell them that this time around they are more than welcome but the sister was not. She didn't mean to be mean but the sister's "issues" where a bit too much to deal with while she is dealing with post baby hormones.

Then she stopped. Looked me straight in the eye and confessed, "Well, she has Asperger's."

I was caught off guard and nodded slightly as I tried to calculate in my mind just how to properly respond to this.

She went on stating the girl was very "high functioning" and she "had a job" but she also makes these weird moaning noises and has an assortment of other medical issues on top of all her Asperger's ones.

"The girl is really nice and all but she's alot to deal with after just having a baby. I'm not used to that and I didn't grow up with that and I really don't want to be around that after I just had a baby."

More slight nodding on my part as I was wrapping my mind around this.

And suddenly I had this sinking feeling in my gut. Suddenly I had an entirely new "thing" to worry about. As if I really needed to find MORE things to worry about!

Maddy is no longer considered to be "on the spectrum" but she still has her quirks. The way she gets overly excited and talks really fast when she is with a group of friends. How she will bring up random facts that not everyone knows. How she will repeat something over and over until you stop and acknowledge that you heard her. Even then, she may continue saying it just to say it.

Yet suddenly I had this overwhelming fear that someday Maddy would be the sister who had some issues to one of my future sons in law (I KNOW I am stretching here...but this is how my mind works...because worrying about my potential sons in law's perceptions of Maddy is totally relevant...you know, because she's FIVE.) And he would be having some kind of conversation like this one day.

Obviously it wouldn't be about post baby hormones....but you get the picture.

What if Maddy's quirks that make her lovable to us make her annoying to everyone else?

I know. I know. I know. Autism or not, there are plenty of things that siblings annoy each other with. There are plenty of things that they just cannot stand about each other. So why does this bother me?

Because usually those things are something that you can change - if you want to. You can stop picking your finger nails or saying "like" a thousand times in a conversation. You can stop rolling your eyes or using finger quotations when you talk. You can. It is possible. You are aware that you do those things...maybe not overly aware of how OFTEN you do them, but you know that you do them.

But spectrum quirks are not things that are easily changed. Yes, they can be changed but not nearly as easily as a habit. It's hard to change your brain's tendency to go 500mph while you are trying to have a conversation. You can try...you could be successful...but it would be alot easier to stop grinding your teeth than making your brain slow down.

And I know....why do I care what other people think? Why do I care if they think she is annoying?

Because I am human.

Face it, everybody cares what other people think. They may say they don't. They do. And of course I care what people think of my kid.

If anything that conversation showed me that there is so much more work to be done to gain awareness of the spectrum disorders. Something that I already knew but it still rocks me. I don't expect every person to be like "Quick! Let's all learn about autism! Let's be super accepting!"

I would also assume or hope or pray that my daughters would find a man who would love them for them - crazy family and quirky sister included.

But it still bothers me. And it still worries me. It's hard to turn my Autism Mama Bear Brain off most of the time.

Yes, this is what we "autism moms" think and worry over. Really.

And yes, life carries on and my mind will wander to the next worry soon enough. I've decided to give this one over to God and trust He has a plan. So, then, why do I worry about it?

Because I am human.